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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Arthur's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, June 3rd, 2008
1:56 am
My brains are about to explode

I need a break from the last 4 hours of studying. So I asked John (my roommate), "What do people do when they need a break but dont want to play World of Warcraft? Don't say anything about kit-kat bars." His first suggestion was to drop my pants b/c it solves all problems. I already did that earlier today, perhaps something different. So he suggested i think of some of my other hobbies. Wow was my hobby but I decided I've grown out of it. Wtf, mate!? So I decided i should start writing or blogging or w/e again.

A friend of mine, Emily, is back from College in Pennsylvania. She's decided to take a short break from her master's program in social psychology. She deemed the work to be no longer important to her and overly stressful to the point she no longer had drive or passion continue. It will be nice to hang out with her. She's attempting to get a job as a glorified secretary at IUPUI for one of the faculty members / instructors. I believe its a good decision. She'll still be in an academic environment and can go back to school should she decide to pursue an alternate route. Her girlfriend, Vicki, is out of town, Chicago, I'd imagine visiting family, perhaps. So for now its cool to see Emily just herself and catch up. I plan on going to the Indianapolis Museum of Art with her to look up the name of a painting that I found to be pretty cool. Instead of describing the painting, I'll describe what it portrayed.... I really need to find out the name of it.

He grabbed the monkey firmly around the neck. It squealed, writhing and scratching at his large hands. Should Giovatti tighten his grip, the monkey’s neck would snap- such a thin, frail animal; now shrieking in terror. “Now listen to me Lucifer!” began Giovatti with great force. “You will not implore my sense of nobility or honor, for you possess no such traits. You have interrupted my work. You have taken on this meager guise to shroud yourself from the Light.” The shrieks did not cease. The thrashing and attempts of making freedom were relentless. The eyes betrayed the animal. Cunning and wit were within them. Giovatti continued, “It will be only fitting that you become a tool, something of benefit to me and the Light itself. Hold this candle, and in the name of God and all that is holy, you shall provide me means to work late into the gloomy night until the candle burns no more.” Giovatti, with his free hand, reached for a freshly burning candle. He drew in a great breath and let out a heavy, tired sigh. “Perhaps, you shall learn something while I work. Now remain still, quiet, and you are not permitted to leave until the flame burns down and its glow is extinguished.” Giovatti held the candleholder in front of the monkey.

The Original Evil had become compliant, no longer crying and trying scratch its captor. Giovatti wrapped the monkey’s small fingers around the handle. The monkey quietly held the light still as the flame gradually burned down the wick. Giovatti paid no more attention to the small, fanged, night guest. Through the hours of darkness Giovatti worked, talking to himself aloud and occasionally humming a random tune from his youth as he copied scripture and wrote philosophy, analyzing meanings and forming conclusions only to be rebuked by further analyses. The clouds covered the moon and candle burnt no more. All was dark. A breeze floated through an open window. Giovatti stood up. “It appears to be time for bed.” He did not bother to see if his furry pupil was still around. Walking to the down filled bed Giovatti felt oddly accomplished and somewhat restless. He was an old man with a graying beard. He could not afford to be up any longer lest he waste much of the next day in a stupor haze from lack of sleep. Oh how he missed his more carefree days of adolescence.


John's brother, Eric, is chilling over here for the next several days. I'm not really sure why, but i dont particularly care. I enjoy having him over.

omg.... i soooo dont know what to write. I think there are more hotties out this summer than last, if its any consolation for lack there of which to write about.

My second day of Anatomy lecture proved to be quite fruitful. I read the chapter in advance and took 10 pages of notes that is STILL ongoing from the book. However, i'm gonna friggin pawn this ANP 102 class. I figured reading and taking notes ahead of time would overcome the thick accent my teacher has. I'm still unsure where he's from. He also got a "pocket microphone" that he put on his collar which now makes him incredibly easier to listen to. The first day of class i was straining to hear him.

Sometimes, reading the AnP text book i cant help but find some things funny. Like right now we're going over the Digestive System. Well, I walk up to Eric and John last night and I announce, "I have a joke!" I continue, "What do you call an enZYME that kills bacteria? Lysozyme!!!" HAHAHAHA! You know like lysol and enzyme put together!? Well, i understand thats not really how it works and that there are respective word parts that merely make up the word in its meaning but i still love how so much ANP terminology actually tells you its meaning should you dissect it and look at the word parts.

My friend Brian humored me as i explained the different tissue layers of the GIT (ie: mucosa, submucosa, muscularis externa and serosa) lol. I need more ANP friends to talk about this stuff with. I spent like 15-20 minutes hung up on a chemical reaction formula trying to describe what i think is the conversion of HCl in the stomach to a more alkaline base.... or maybe it was talking about how bicarbonates (like maybe carbonic anhydrase???) turn ... no... wait... hmmmmmm dammit. i thought i was on the right track. Well, whatever! I've concluded this is not necassary to know, just as long as i'm aware of the "alkaline tide" and that it occurs when the stomach is "full" due to blood leaving the stomach with a higher pH. omg... i hate chemistry. I'm not looking forward to taking it. I might opt for microbiology... but... hmmm... that is still almost as difficult. Meh. So after forever of being hungup on this I just wrote down what i just said about the alkaline tide and continued on for few more pages diligently taking notes.

You know... for as interesting as all of this honestly is, I feel like no one around me really cares or has interest... well, i guess that's b/c they dont. Oh well, Its gonna completely pay off and i'm gonna finally get out of entry-level jobs and have something important to do!

Hmmm. I was hoping to write about something more creative in this post.
Thursday, April 6th, 2006
2:41 am
J~J~

I really have so much to say to you. I don't know where to begin. You might be the best waiter I have ever had. Thank you, and may God bless you in all that you do.

Jason J*****

J~J~

P.S. The SHT cake was awesome!

The "SHT cake" is MY abbreviation of "Strawberry shortcake". Its explained further on in the entry...I actually got that note today from this very very VERY attractive young man... wait, did i say 'young man'? Oh my God.... I'm getting old!!! Like... wow, that's so FN scary to me. Well, anyways, i copied just as it is on the back of the Steak n' shake (SNS)placemat i have now in my hands. Okay, i actually "met-met" this dude yesterday (Monday) when he came in (in his UPS uniform) with 3 other friends. He ordered coffee and some other food item that i can't remember. He was extremely cute/hot... well, okay, waaaaay more hot than cute (but he's 18!! as i later found out). But he got hella coffee. He's was really-really nice. And he seemed so outrageously impressed at... well, at everything i did with their table (which was pretty much be myself). At first, I thought he was mocking me. I was even a bit annoyed- especially since I was already in a crappy mood. Yet, "Jason" - as his UPS name tag read, kept up the enthusiasm even while talking to his friends... a bit more toned down, but the expression was there. I thought he was hot right off the bat, and i ALSO thought he was a bit queer right off the bat, too... but I dismissed it. I wondered if he had a girlfriend? Maybe him and the girl he was sitting next were dating... so, if they were should be some kind of contact between them to show some kind of connection. I watched his hands for a lil while between running food and taking orders. Sure it wasn't a very efficient method of doing so, but i'm never right on shit ilke this, so I kept saying, "he's str8!" "He's str8!" "He's gotta be!" But i never saw any contact. In fact he seemed more like he and the girl were almost best friends...?????? But whatever... I went over a couple times to apologize about the tardiness of everything since i was the only server out on the floor and doing EVERYTHING for this god-awful mad rush we were having at the particular moment. He was extremely cool, and I hate to say it, but he told me how much a good job i was doing and how impressive. Then he cited examples to prove that i was doing a good job... and u know what? He actually made me feel a lot calmer! I mean, the annoying (yet, seemingly annoying) UPS punk actually made me feel good about myself! WTF!?

So whatever. They stayed for such a very long time and we got to talk a little bit between him, myself, and the other three people in the group. They were all very nice. But it bothered me that he blended so well with his group of people. I don't mean that in a bad way... but if he WERE gay/bi-curious, wouldn't I see some kind of sign?) Like he didn't do anything to stand out from his lil' posse. He went in time with them so perfectly, as if he was rolling with the punches and everything he said could be called for and not necassarily be taken out of context. However, if u were to take little fragments of it. Like just lil clips of it, those little fragments of speech would occassionally seem like a weird thing to say and would leave an almost unnoticable question mark above that singled out phrase/turn of words. But, me, the grammar/linguistic-esque wanna-be buff that I am, picked up on that! But, wait! That's just my imagination! Fuck that shit... its in my head. Its just that he's a NICE guy that he said what and the way he said it b/c he's a NICE guy, right? I can't even point out any examples, its just a thought i remember having at the time and then i dismissed it.

Then they came up to pay, and this was the first time i got to actually talk-talk to him, b/c he actually did break away from his lil' group. We got on the subject of something, that lead to something (just mild chit-chat, but the kind of none-sense we're just talking shit that is soooo not important.... hmmm...) but it lead to two speeding tickets I had had in Highschool and my first year in college. I told him about how the judges had thought I was on drugs b/c i was so off the wall with nervosa. I had even called one "your highness" instead of "your honor".

OH YEAH!! I remember, he was telling me how awesome it was to see me out there taking orders and being so cool and nice to people. He thought it was so awesome how i had every single fucking 'please' and 'thank you' down! He even caught on to how when i give my introduction "Hi, welcome to steak n' shake. My name's Arthur, and i'll be your server. Our soups are beef-vegetable and chicken noodle. We also have coke products if you'd like to go ahead and order. But if you already know what you'd like to order, feel free to go ahead. Oh! and btw, I'm supposed to recommend our NEW premium topping steak burgers, as u can see on our placements and menu inserts!"

I say ALL of that, and I say it REALLY REALLY REALLY FAAAAASSSSSTTTT!!!!! Most people crack up laghing or giggling. Lil' kids really like it, too. I say this speech at least 30 times a day... usually old people and people in a big hurry don't let me say it.

OH YEAH!!!! (to get back to my earlier point) HE EVEN CAUGHT ON TO HOW WHEN I SAY MY INTRODUCTION I say, "I'm SUPPOSED to recommend our premium topping steak burgers". He asked me what i really thought of them and i told him they were over-priced and nasty.

THEN we started talking about how the only people he knew as happy as I am are people on X or something. Then as he was leaving, he came back and asked, really close, if i was on something right then. I raised my eyebrows and mocked being shocked! I said, of course i wasn't! I wouldn't EVER go into work fucked up or something... that's FN stupid! And i get this really cute/ really "amazed" smile from him. Like, i almost thought that he thought i was really cool at that moment. Like, he couldn't believe that I could be this cheery and still say i was having a bad day. I almost wanted to tell him that its called being "gay" for a reason- you know, as a play on the word "gay." But i don't think its right to be saying shit like that to people you don't really know. Especially when my tip is dependant on it.

They also left me a nice 6 dollar tip, Which was prolly tipping within reason, but you know, a lot of times you just don't expect nice tips from younger crowds.

Oh, and while Jason and I were having our lil' conversation at the register I found out that he was 18, too.

Then today, he came in with 4 other people. One of them was this girl, Erin, that i know from the Japanese Saturday school back when I was in Highschool. Jason was cool and talked normally, or at least what was normal for him, i believe. But of the table of five, i paid most of my attention between Jason and Erin. I hardly said anything to them, but Erin and Jason totally talked back, and Jason made several very nice comments about me to his and Erin's party.

One thing that was kinda funny that Jason and I laughed about was my abbreviation for STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE is SHT CAKE. I showed him my abbreviation and we all made fun of the shortcake calling it shit cake.... yeah, yeah, that sounds lame now, but it was really funny. You had to be there.

But nothing today, other than that, really stuck out... although, he came in with shorts on and he has really nice legs.... :-D

But anyways, I was just really attracted to him... I was thinking of ways of how to somehow show interest in more obvious ways just to him... but I couldnt think of any beyond the simple "i'm going to focus a lot of attention on you and ur table " excercises. However, i thought of a lot ways that I could more easily hit on someone if they were MY waiter. You know, leave a lil note... Tip better.... engage in conversation... but WHATEVER!!! I dismissed these thoughts again. But for the hell of it, while they had all paid their bills and were leaving I went over to the table just hoping Jason would have left a hidden note under his dish or something. Instead I see the table has SEVERAL notes on it... scrawled in crayon.

The others read (word for word, punctuation for punctuation):

-Arthur-

your my hero and the love of my life!

sincerly,

The man who was sitting here
</blockquote>

Which was from some dude who was sitting next to Jason.



Dear Arthur,

thank you so much for waiting on us. you are an absolute delight.

Love,

miss erin


The other one was drawing of a stick figure that had a speech bubble above its head, saying, "Look at me, i'm kevin, and i'm a big dumbass... and i'm dead."

</blockquote>When i got up to the table, I was so excited to see a note... then i saw the other notes, so i chose one at random, and read it aloud in a very monotonous tone without emotion expecting it to be something stupid and unrelated to anything. I read Jason's letter out loud while Erin was still at the table. When I finished it and saw the signature I had split second where I was dumbfounded. I was just totally speechless. I mean, the way he used the different colors, and how he hoped God blesses me.... wow. That was really nice. I told Erin that that was really nice. I told how i met jason yesterday and I thought he was actually a really really nice person, and then Erin gets on about how Jason has, appearantly, talked about me before to her... sounded like multiple times, but i don't remember what exactly she said... i was just so shocked that he even remembered me enough to make comment of me outside of a steak n' shake environment.

While he was heading toward the door with his group of friends, i yelled to them to have a great night, and come back and see me again tomorrow! I work 6-11! I figured that if there was any meaning behind any of this, i'd prolly see him tomorrow! But if he thinks like i do... or did when i was 18, i'd prolly give it a few days b4 i go back. But i really really hope he shows up tomorrow!

Well, i guess i really don't know what to think of this.... i know this is just wishful thinking, but... it would just be really cool if i was right.

But... what if he's just a really really nice person!? Well, who cares! Then he's a really nice person and I should be friends with him! that's how I need to handle this decision. Does the God bless part have any strong significance? How religious is he? Too religious to be gay? BAH! Too many questions with so little information.

However, this girl i work with named Liz,I call her Eliza, knows Erin really well, and Erin knows Jason, so maybe I can leech info through this untapped grapevine!?
Wednesday, March 29th, 2006
12:43 am
sadness.... wow addict

Since I can't play World of Warcraft right now (b/c those damned servers are offline and have been all day), i'm going back to my old addiction: Lj.

I've just talked to 3 friends about how the servers are down. This is how it went:

I called Karl- "Karl, the servers are down."
Brandon called me- "Arthur! Bad news, man: the servers are still down"
I called John- "The servers are down!" and John responded- "I know, man. i got off work with you, remember?" "Oh yeah..."
John called me back a few minutes later- "Only 90 minutes until they're up again? U gonna be on?" I respond with, "Hell Yeah!"


It is now 12:49 am.
Another 70 some minutes to go.
Friday, March 10th, 2006
11:26 am
I love new yoooOOORRRrrrrrrkkkk.... something bjork.... or maybe torque... or anything but dork..

b/c to rhyme "like a dork" with "new york" is fucking stupid.

ARTHUR IS IN NYC!!!!!!!!!!!



OH MY FN GAWD!!!! I'm in NYC!!!! My hotel has like over 40 floors!!!! OMG!!!!!!!! The skyscrapers go sooooo high! I mean, they're totally amazing!! Its so unbelievable!!!!

And then there was Time Square!!!!!! And i've only been here for like 15 hours so far and already i've wandered the streets of NYC trashed and met another trashed person and we soooo had a trashed moment! (and his sober "friend"- looked kinda queer, was totally cute)

Okay, so lets get down to business.

Wednesday my two friends, Steph (whom I've known since 6th grade) and Marco (my BSU friend i met through my other friend, Mike) came over to my apartment. Marco ditched us and headed to his friend, Clint's house and got trashed. He came back over around 3-ish. He then slept for 2 hours and we departed via automobile on a 13/14 hour trek through Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, and then to Connecticut. In the first 3 hours of the trip we received some pretty shitty news about how Karl, steph's b-friend/my friend, had slipped on ice while driving her car home and totalled it. Steph was planning on getting a new car in the next few weeks anyways, so she wasn't too upset and was much more concerned with Karl's welfare (did i use "welfare" correctly?). He's mostly okay, although it sounded like he swallowed some glass which the three of us strongly urged him to see a doctor. We talked to him later and he seems to be fine, so i doubt there's much to worry about. The last 4 hours of the trip i asked Marco to drive b/c i was beat. None of us had slept the previous night and it had finally hit me around the 10th hour of driving. Marco and Steph slept part of the time i drove, so they had caught up on sleep. I slept for a good while and then woke up as we were leaving NY.

We arrived in CT and met up with Richard (rminct) in New Haven. He took us out to some fancy-fancy place that sooooo totally rocked b/c it seemed so cool, although from what he told us, it wasn't THAT fancy, but it was totally waaaay nicer than anywhere i've ever eaten at! After dinner and talking and what not, we went back to the hotel room where i crashed and Marco and Steph watched LOST.

The next day we took a bit of a tour around the Yale area and it was really interesting. Yale seems like such a beautiful place and it made me feel smart just by being there. Classes were let out for spring break, so few students were actually around... although, this one tour guide that i saw directing a group of people in one of Yale's courtyards was pretty hawt.

After Yale, we took the ferry to Brookhaven labs. While on the ferry i kept popping fairy vs. ferry jokes. Yeah, they were lame... but for real, 1 year 4 months w/o sex. omg.... i can't help it. I need to get laid and i kept spotting hot guys EVERYWHERE! So those ferry vs. fairy jokes just kept flowing... "I'm riding the ferry/fairy b/c that's what ur supposed to do" or "3 fairies on a ferry!" etc etc... like i said, lame-ass fucking jokes that were soooo not funny. We got to Brookhaven and Richard showed us hella cool shit that seemed sooooo intensely advanced. However, i didn't expect Brookhaven to be as "hands on" as it actually was. I was kinda almost expecting something that a lil' kid would think of as scientist- u know, white lab coats, totally sterile white rooms that are completely spotless! However, that was not the case, and a good thing, too. It had a much more homely atmosphere that didn't make us feel so out of place.

Once Brookhaven was complete, Marco drove us to NYC. We went through this kick-ass/long-ass tunnel and came out the other end to hella "horn honkers". Richard says its just the way people communicate in NYC and to pay it no attention. I say they're all a bunch of shit heads who need to get a life and lower the noise pollution- "eeehh!! i'm walkin' here!"

We checked into our 40+ story hotel.... omg.... its so expensive, but its so centralized. We're at the Warwick and its totally amazing! We encountered some problems with Richard's reservation but was solved about an hour later. We all unpacked and it is sooo cool. I think i'm the one who's soooooo incredibly impressed. Marco's totally cool with big cities, and steph is a pretty mellow person so she's not hyping it up as much as I think she's actually feeling! Richard goes to his room and I start drinking! I really wanted to see the lights at night kinda fucked up! and wow!!!!! were those lights awfully pretty!!!! I have great pics in Time Square of all the billboard things! We went out to some Greek restaurant. I had two glasses of chardene-sp? and it kinda... put me over the edge and REALLY got me fucked up, especially since i was really craving a salad and ended up eating only a little bit of it so the food didn't have much chance to absorb any of the liquor. But it was still great, and i'm a cool playful drunk, as opposed to a violent one like some of my friends... but now i'm going to try spending most of my trip sober to fully enjoy it! We also went to the Virgin music store in Times Square and it was really exciting. I was too drunk to really find anything i would have wanted, but i did find this one madonna tribute album that i've been looking for for a while bc its actually kinda like a versus album and really rocks!

Today is Friday... I think we were supposed to be doing something right now, like seeing a museum? However, steph and Marco are such lazy asses that they're still in bed, despite me being hung-over and typing my little gay boi heart away with such enthusiastic excitement.

I wonder what we'll do today and tomorrow! Its all such a wonderful adventure!!!!!!

PS... clubbing tonight or tomorrow!!!!!

Now, i think i'm going to write an email and then ask richard if he wants to take atrip to star bucks while steph and marco wake up to face this bright and exciting.... and nauseating day.... i'm so hung over, dammit. But its all good! U know why!? B/C I'M IN NYC, BITCHES!!!!

:-P :-D :-D :-P
Thursday, February 2nd, 2006
4:27 pm
today....

hot guy sat next to me in Cultural Anthropology!

My Anthropological linguistics class posted this on blackboard! I didn't know these "chat bots" even existed!

http://www.pandorabots.com/pandora/talk?botid=f5d922d97e345aa1
Wednesday, January 18th, 2006
4:04 am
A must-see movie list for all the
Steph (a friend since sixth grade), and John (a friend of the group I used to hang out with in Highschool) all work at Steak N' Shake and are all 21. We were discussing our all-time most influencial movies at work and Karl (a highschooler, working at SteaknShake, only 16 years old)- one of Steph, John, and myself; hadn't seen more than half of our remarked movies. We were so shocked and so decided the three of us needed to put together of a bunch of must-see movies from the 80's & 90's and then some of our favorites from all over movie history.

** Steph has 50 already....

** The first one to this is list is- The Fly (the original, B&W version)

What are some classic movies (80's & 90's)that would be a must-see for the people currently in junior high/beginning of highschool?
Tuesday, January 10th, 2006
3:07 pm
English 308



Image hosted by Photobucket.com


I'm SOOOOOO going to TOTALLY LOVE English 308. Mai Kuha is the teacher, and she's such a blast! Molly (sunihiroku) is going to be my partner on our group projects and well... yeah... this pic is from when Dr. Kuha went around taking everyone's picture for her lil' photo album so she'll remember names with faces.


When I asked her if I could have a copy of the picture she said, "Your people tend to really like pictures, especially of themselves." I know that sounds rude to say such a thing, but if you ever met the woman, you'd realize that she means no true rudeness by the comment of "your people." I actually thought it rather funny that she'd put it in such a way, but its totally true for a lot of gay people. Most gay men do tend to have a narcissistic streak in them. Mine is just more evident than most, i suppose... hehehe.


I also wanted to post this since its a good shot of the ear cuff I got a few days ago!
Sunday, January 8th, 2006
3:15 pm
alright!!! Linguistics in Anthropology

My friend, Molly, and I will now be in Anthropology 308 together! Someone dropped out of the class and I grabbed it up just now!!!! phew!!! I was short 3 credit hours, too! I'm so glad the class opened up another seat! I was just about to sign up for a math class- *spew*
Wednesday, December 21st, 2005
7:07 am
2nd day
This is the second day in a row that i've woken up at 7 am by myself.... how weird- and how boring. There's nothing to do this early. Not to mention tv sucks this early.

I fell asleep around 9:45 last night...

I am still wearing the same clothes I wore last night when I went to bed (my hoodie, jeans, and t-shirt). I bet its so cold in here b/c the people from downstairs are gone and I'm not getting any heat rising from their apartment... at least that's my theory. Time to turn it up...
Friday, December 2nd, 2005
7:43 pm
XY AGAIN!!!!!

I GOT IN XY MAGAZINE AGAIN!!!!!



Except this time, I didn't get two full pages, but I did get a quarter of a page, which is SOOOO better than NO picture!


Image hosted by Photobucket.com


Image hosted by Photobucket.com


okay, so maybe they fucked up where I'm from, but that's okay.... I can live with that, i suppose.

I was also a bit embarrassed by how mine is the crudest one in the magazine... oops! Oh well... When I wrote it I thought it was FN funny! I still kinda do, but I bet this totally gonna make me out to be a perv- at least a hot one, though!
Monday, November 28th, 2005
2:30 pm
Nightwish No More
How sad... so very sad.


22.10.2005
THE RECORDING OF "END OF AN ERA" -LIVE RELEASE WAS A HUGE SUCCESS
Nightwish recorded "End Of An Era" -live release yesterday evening in Hartwall-Arena, Helsinki. As you can imagine, the atmosphere in the Arena was wild but also quite blue. This was the ending for a one and a half year lasting "Once" -World Tour. Nightwish wishes to thank everybody for an unbelievable tour.

Unfortunately the title "End Of An Era" also holds a deeper meaning. The open letter, which was given to Tarja after the show, tells it all:

Dear Tarja,

It`s time to choose whether the story of Nightwish ends here or whether it will still continue an undetermined period of time. We`ve been working with this creation for 9 years and we are not ready to give up yet. Nightwish is a way of life, something to live for, and we`re certain we can`t let it go.

Equally certain is the fact that we cannot go on with you and Marcelo any longer. During the last year something sad happened, which I`ve been going over in my head every single day, morning and night. Your attitude and behavior don`t go with Nightwish anymore. There are characteristics I would never have believed to see in my old dear friend.
People who don`t talk with each other for a year do not belong in the same band.

We are involved in an industry where the business-side of things is a necessary evil and something to worry about all the time. We are also a band which has always done music from the heart, because of friendship and the music itself. The mental satisfaction should always be more important than money! Nightwish is a band, it`s an emotion.
To you, unfortunately, business, money, and things that have nothing to do with those emotions have become much more important. You feel that you have sacrificed yourself and your musical career for Nightwish, rather than thinking what it has given to you.
This attitude was clearly shown to me in the two things you said to me in an airplane in Toronto: ”I don`t need Nightwish anymore.” and ”Remember, Tuomas, that I could leave this band at any time, giving you only one day`s warning in advance”.
I can`t simply write any more songs for you to sing.

You have said yourself that you are merely a ”guest musician” in Nightwish. Now that visit ends and we will continue Nightwish with a new female vocalist.
We`re sure this is an equally big relief to you as it is for us. We have all been feeling bad long enough.

You told us that no matter what, the next Nightwish album will be your last one. However, the rest of us want to continue as long as the fire burns. So there`s no sense in doing that next album with you, either.
The four of us have been going over this situation countless times and we have realized that this is the thing we want to do in life. It´s all we can do. In December 2004, in Germany, you said that you will never tour again for more than two weeks at a time. You also said that we can forget about U.S. and Australia because the fees and the sizes of venues are too small.

In interviews I`ve mentioned that if Tarja leaves, that would be the end of the band. I understand that people will think this way. Nightwish is, however, a scenery of my soul and I`m not ready to let go because of one person. A person who wants to focus her creativity to somewhere else, a person whose values don`t match mine.

We were never bothered by the fact that you didn`t participate in writing/arranging songs, you never in 9 years came to rehearse the songs with us before going to the studio. Not the fact that while on tour you always wanted to fly, separately from us with your husband. Not the fact that you are an undisputable front image of the band.
We accepted and felt ok about everything except greed, underestimating the fans, and breaking promises. It was agreed by the five of us that Nightwish would be the priority in everything that we do during 2004-2005. Still so many things were more important to you. The ultimate example being the already sold-out show in Oslo, which you wanted to cancel because you needed to rehearse for your solo concerts, meet frieds and go to the movies. Those were the words Marcelo used in an e-mail explaining the cancellation. This being just one example of so many. I couldn`t think of a worse way of being selfish and dismissing our fans.

Nightwish is a way of life and a job with many obligations. To each other and to the fans. With you we can`t take care of those duties anymore.

Deep within we don`t know which one of you drove us to this point. Somehow Marcelo has changed you from the lovely girl you were into a diva, who doesn`t think or act the way she used to. You are too sure of your irreplaceableness and status.

It`s obvious that you blame your stress and misery on us four. And you think we don`t respect or listen to you. Belive us; We have always had the uppermost respect towards you as a wonderful vocalist and as a friend. And very often during the past couple of years the plans were made according to your decisions only. You were always the only one who wanted more money from the shows.
This ”compensation and more money from everything” –attitude is the fact that we are most disappointed of!

We wish that from now on you will listen to your heart instead of Marcelo. Cultural differences combined with greed, opportunism and love is a dangerous combination. Do not wither yourself.

This decision is not something we are especially proud of but you gave us no choice. The gap between us is too wide. And the decision is made by us four unanimously. We are beyond the point where things could be settled by talking.

All the best for your life and career,



Tuomas



Emppu Jukka Marco

Ps. This is an open letter for everybody.



Ouch... I would be so humiliated if I were her. I had a weird feeling something wasn't quite right with Nightwish. Tarja's voice didn't have the kind of oomph nor passion as other albums.

I can't wait for a new vocalist... I have a feeling their next album will be one of my all time favorites (or one of the worst)
Tuesday, October 18th, 2005
4:24 pm
iTunes is the new Magic Eight Ball

Go to your iTunes playlist and put it all on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and after each one press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question.

You know, for having 7,101 songs, I sure got a lot of madonna songs that came up randomly...


1. What do you think of me, iTunes?
Love one another - cher

2. Will I have a happy life?
Bootylicious- Destiny's Child

3. What do my friends really think of me?
Float - Bush

4. Do people secretly lust after me?
In My Dreams - Tina Ann

5. What does [insert significant other] think of me?
Impressive Instant- Madonna

6. How can I make myself happy?
Free Your Mind - En Vogue

7. What should I do with my life?
Endless Communication - Two-Mix

8. Why must life be so full of pain?
Terrible Lie - Nine Inch Nails

9. How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?
The Rock Show - Blink 182

10. Will I ever have children?
Sing for the moment - Eminem

11. Will I die happy?
Phantom of the Opera - (some punk cover)

12. Can you give me some good advice?
The Cup of Life - Ricky Martin

13. Do you know where your children are?
I know it - Madonna

14. What do you think happiness is?
American Life - Madonna
Wednesday, October 5th, 2005
8:38 pm
fallen

I was talking to a guy from my Japanese class, Mikey, and as we were talking, we were walking down some stairs in the Cooper Science building. Me being totally caught up in conversation stepped the wrong way and bent my ankle at an extremely awkward angle. I fell down 4 stair steps (which is a FN lot of stairs when you're falling!) This was also right in the middle of everyone getting out of class. So I'm trying to quickly crawl to the corner of the wall at the bottom of all those stair b/c I'm about to be trampled by this big mob of carefree students! Mikey is laughing and laughing and between gasps asking if i'm okay. I say yeah, but my ankle was BURNING with pain. I finally manage to stand up and hobble down the second flight of stairs. My ankle is still super sore.

I limp my gimp ass to german and bitch to the class about falling down in Cooper and relate how painful and embarrassing it was. I go to take my seat and begin to sit when my ass FUCKING SLIPS OUT OF THE SEAT!!!! My ass actually SLIPPED out of the seat and I fall on the fucking floor- AGAIN!!!! WTF!!??

Dude, who sits in front of me, laughs and says that today isn't my lucky day. And sure enough we have a german verbs test which i didn't study for. triple damn. But more than anything, my ankle hurts. Falling in German was more funny than embarrassing, i suppose, since i WAS just bitching about falling 5 minutes earlier.
7:09 pm

Saturday ~OCT 1, 2005~

The Drag Show


I went to the drag show and hauled Tara's gimp-ass over there with me! I ran into Jake Santucci there, too! Jake gained a bit of weight, but he's still my favorite ZBT person! Gawd, I love that man in a completely platonic way! Tara made it all the way through the first half but then her back and hips started being disagreeable and I had to quickly drop her off at the apartment (good thing we live super close so it took no time at all)

I must say that the first half was totally cool! Stevie and Ar-taco (I just can't spell his name properly, but it sounds like "Ar-teh-go". I used to know how to spell it, too. He was always over at the apartment chilling with Tony and Jemel.) So anyways, Stevie, and taco put on one hell of a friggin' performance!!! I was so incredibly amazed. Artecgo has always been so great at performing and he's really got a good heart, too!

Brittany Queers totally rocked, too! Brent put sooooo much energy into his performance!

Those are the two that stick out most in my mind.... OH YEAH!! And there was this one drag queen who dressed like someone from Dr. Seuss. She kept pulling out babies from everywhere and it was so funny. but then once that little song was over she went into another which kinda ruined it for me b/c it wasn't as fun to watch as the initial experience from when she started but Tara got a major kick out of the babies coming from everywhere, too.

During the break, two little girls (they looked like 15 or 16) came up to me to tell them that their "hot friend" thought i was extremely attractive- i guess they used the word hot, but i didn't want to say "hot" for fear of sounding redundant. To use the same adjective in the same sentence is not a good thing. I said thank you very much to the two young ladies and tried to focus my attention elsewhere. I mean, if these girls were that young, how old was their friend? Can you say Jailbait? So they eventually took the hint and i went back to talking with Jake and his girlfriend Andria- who is such an amazing woman! She's also a bodybuilder! Now, that is cool. Jake also introduced me to a new ZBT pledge named PJ. I was told it stood for Peter Japan. I don't get it since his name isn't peter and he's not from Japan, but whatever. He is asian and he seems like he'd be cool to hang around. I hope to chill with him later!

Also during the intermission of the drag show, I saw Jonathan (he's the dude i dated for like a week last year). He's still looking pretty good, but he... well, he was wearing some leather gear. That was kinda interesting, b/c I had no idea he was into any of that.

The next half of the drag show started and we all took our seats. I hate to say this, but i really thought the second half sucked. I was so bored. There were a few good songs and a few good performances, but it just wasn't as "fun" as the first half- too many slower songs. During a few of the songs Jake and Andria encouraged me to get up and dance b/c they were getting bored and they thought i'd provide some entertainment, and hell, i had sooooo much energy in me, that I really wanted to anways. So I did. I danced my little gay boy heart out and i got PJ doing a little with me. I may have looked retarded, but it made the experience so much more enjoyable.

Then after the show, those two lil' girls from earlier brought their gay guy up to say hi, and I said hi to him. He was a total looker, but it was almost immediate that he lacked any substance what so ever. Imean, the dude never shut-up and was such and egoist right off the bat. ugh.... But like i said, he was damned fine. I ended up blowing him off saying i'd prolly end up at a party on Rex street but only if Tara was doing okay.

For those who don't know, Tara has Marfan's syndrome which is a connective tissue disorder, and obviously, its extremely painful, especially since her's is coupled with Fibro-mayalgia (sp?). She's one sick, bitch! But damn, I fuckin' love this woman! No one can party like her!


I walked to Rex st. since it was close my apartment anyways. I got there and didn't see anyone i knew. I kinda just hovered for a while. The people I did see that knew me saw me but didn't say anything to me... I wonder why. I don't remember having ever parted badly from anyone. I just don't have any connections in the gay community, I suppose. I chilled out in the kitchen and some fag hag immediately latched on to me saying she had seen me at the drag show and was friends with that egotystical, 17 year old, Jeff guy. She said he was out on the phone so she'd keep me company. I was glad to oblige since no one else wanted to talk to me.

Later Jeff came out and started talking up a storm. This guy was so full of shit. I mean... I've never heard anyone so blatantly lie before. He was talking about how it takes like 8-12 shots before he gets a buzz and 14-18 before he gets drunk. Then he was talking about how he drinks full bottles alone in just a week or two...we're talking multiple bottles... in just two weeks... all by himself. He said he's prolly been through 30 bottles in just the last 2 months- and that was only including what he, himself had drunk. ugh.... what a loser.


~Sunday October 2nd, 2005~

My b-day


Midnight rolled around, and I'm still chillin and drinking with blabber mouth. The dude won't shut up. I'm thinking about leaving this party early b/c i'm really getting annoyed. Obviously the dude is out to just get a little bit of action and he's chosen me to be his supplier. What a wrong choice for him. Then, out of no where a rather good looking, nice guy named Clinton comes over and starts talking to me!! ALRIGHT!!! We're talking and yadda yadda, but then Jeff butts in. And every FN question i ask Clinton Jeff ends up answering for him. I finally snap out on Jeff's ass and tell him he needs to let Clint answer the questions I ask him and he can answer the questions that are directed towards him, otherwise, I don't want to hear anything from him. Jeff leaves after a moment to piss. I hope i pissed that annoying fly off! GAWD! Clint and I were talking some more... then Jeff came back and started buzzing around again. Clint leaves... then I put up with more of Jeff's incessant chatter, then Clinton comes back... then I swear Clinton is making more conversation with Jeff than with me. Hmmmm... could it be that clinton wanted to get in dude's pants while dude wanted to get in mine, and I wanted to get in Clinton's? What an annoying, vicious little circle! I later came to realize that Clinton didn't want in Jeff's pants, but i still felt a bit blown off by him, so I just kinda let the two be, but Jeff wasn't interested so Jeff takes off.

I see Benjamin Walkup come on in and he says hi, i say hi, and then Ben is gone... gone like the wind. It was such a brief 'hi' that I wanted to grab him and say, "are you okay?" I wasn't sure if he was drunk or what. Maybe he was mad at me b/c I didn't quite realize that he wanted us to be exclusive... but he was the one who broke his own morals by "cheating" as what would have been seen as through his own eyes by making out with someone at a party. I didn't mind it, but he minded that i didnt' mind and that I thought less of what "we" were than he did. So that was obviously a relationship stopper. However, I mostly wanted him to stick around to save me from Jeff. ugh...

okay.... now where was i? Well, I leave jeff and Clint alone. Clinton walks off shortly and Jeff goes on his own path. I strike up a conversation with a girl named Brittany that I hadn't seen in a while. She was drunk as fuck, but it was okay b/c she talked with me and kept me company. Finally, Brittany leaves me and I start talking to someone whom I really don't even remember. (ps- obviously, i was drinking by this point b/c it WAS my b-day).

Brittany comes back into the house and says there is someone who'd like me to give them a kiss outside named Jeff, and he's a total hottie. I tell Brit that I KNOW who Jeff is and I really don't want to go out and make out with Jeff- no matter how hot everyone (including myself) think(s) he is. Brit ends up begging me to go out there so I do, but i tell her I'm not going to make out with Jeff. She's like, 'alright... whatever' I sit on the porch, Jeff is so obviously drunk (8-12 shots my ass) and he's on the phone so I sit down on the cement steps of the back porch. I'm just chillin' eaves dropping in on like 4 different conversations going on around me b/c its fun to listen when you have no one to talk to. Then another dude sits down next to me... he's sitting there talking for a minute to his buddy, and then his buddy says he'll be right back. He's just sittin' there. I'm just sittin there, and well.... not much to really do, so I say, "hey! I'm sorry, I don't think i caught your name... or maybe i already introduced myself... or maybe that was to the dude who sat down b4 you... well, either way, i'm arthur." Dude introduces himself as Nick. We talk for minute. I ask where he lives and he says Homestead. I'm like, "NO WAY!!! I LIVE IN HOMESTEAD! What apartment do you live in?" He tells me he lives in 121. I think on it for a moment b/c i have such a hard time visualizing numbers and their meanings and I wanted to get an idea of where in the building 121 was especially since I was on a super buzz I couldn't quite manage the thought. So I was like, "oh... OOOHHH!!! OMG!! YOU LIVE RIGHT BELOW ME!!! I live in 221! I'm so sorry if we're too loud! Me and Tara are always playing our music to its maximum level of volume!"

Nick was like, "HA! I knew the people above us had to be gay b/c no straight person would play so much dance music!" Then Adam Ludwig came up to us and mentioned something about how he was glad that I had given up on my hunt for Matt Clay. I wasn't quite sure on how to take that but... I did call of the hunt so it didn't really concern me. I was a bit interested, though. All I got out of it was that Matt and Adam had once dated but not any longer, i guess. I don't really know anything for sure.

Then Nick had to go inside to help someone (appearantly it was Brittany he was helping- someone we both have in common, and I didn't know it). Jeff pops on over and I tell him i'm going to go home b/c I have to be up early to meet my mom so she can take me out to the pool halls to meet her friends. Jeff looked so very disappointed. But for real, man. All that talk about he knows this and that and has done this and that and can do this and that... especially when its all down right lies or blatant exaggerations. What B.S.

that morning, i meet up with my mom and she takes me out to the pool hall and I get to see her and a bunch of her friends play pool. I play with them, and they're all such fun people!!! The best part was I got all my drinks free b/c Crystal, my mom's very good lesbo friend, had bought me a bunch of balloons saying it was my 21st b-day. So I got a total of three Yagerbombs-sp?!! WOW!!! I was feeling good, and I loved that shit!!!

I later sobered up, and went back home to say hi to dad to see how he was doing. Wow.... what a bummer that was. I've never seen Frank so incredibly torn up. He was a total mess. He was crying right in front of me. I've never seen my dad cry... NEVER!!!! I mean... wow. He is not handling this divorce thing well. And from what he told me that my mom has said about him and the dogs, i can't blame him. It sounds like my mom is being a cold-hearted bitch about all of this. Ugh... i don't know what to do. My mom is my mom, and Frank is my dad!! I don't know what to do. I ask him if he'd like me to stay for a little while and talk or something. He tells me to go out and enjoy my b-day. I ask if he's sure and he shoo's me onward. Okay...

I leave and pick up Stephanie Duncan and bring her up to Muncie to chill with Tara and myself. Then Steph says something about how I had mentioned several weeks ago about spending my b-day at Chuckee cheese's. I'm like, hell, yeah!!! I get to the apartment and we pick up Tara. Tara says some "fine mother fucker" came to the apartment door to wish me a happy b-day. Someone named nick. I was like, REALLY??!!! HOORAY!!! We go to Chuckee cheese's and i actually had a really really good time. Stephanie paid for everything! That was so totally cool! I really didn't want nor need her to, but she did anyways, and wow.I love that girl! Tara made me a chocolate b-day cake, too.

then I had to drop steph back in Fishers kinda early b/c she had to be at work early the next morning.

I come back and Tara and I get fucked up and I go to bed.

Monday October 3rd, 2005 - present

Nick


Nothing special happened at school and it my day was pretty lame, but that evening I bring Tara down to apartment 121 and we say hi to our neighbors, Nick and Jacob. Right off the bat tara and I are thinking they both are hot and both want me! It was an extremely good feeling! We play some cards, have a few moderated drinks, and play air hockey. It was kickin'!!!

Tara says nick was a keeper and she'd be all up in that. I was thinking that Jacob was hotter, but Nick and I had so much in common it would be stupid to not wanna try dating him. The big problem is that I can't date both b/c, obviously, they live together. So I decided on Nick and I'm not going to touch on Jacob. I'm glad, too. Nick, I think is really gonna work out... I hope. I mean, he did ask me to walk with him on Thursday and Tuesdays to school, and he invited me out to dinner tonight- too bad i left my cell at home while I was at Wally-world.

But the other night, Nick and I were playing video games and damn... I just kept getting hornier and hornier. 10 months of celebacy really gets to you! For real! Hopefully that will be (e)rect(ified) in a month or two. I'm actually gonna be a good little homo (if that's even possible) and try to not put out for a good while! I say a minimum of 3 weeks before ANYTHING happens below the belt... and that is just presuming Nick and I hit it off. I really do like him, and he seems so awesome, and the shit we have in common is vast. I hope i don't screw anything up. But damn... the fantasies have already been rampaging through my head.

Current Mood: awesome
6:49 pm
OMG!!!!

Yeah, yeah... i haven't updated about my b-day- and I swear i will, but Nick just totally asked me out to dinner!!!!!!!!



NO ONE'S EVER ASKED ME OUT LIKE THAT!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!

I GOT ASKED OUT TO DINNER!!!!!!


I GOT ASKED OUT TO DINNER!!!!!



yeah, i'm lame b/c i'm making such a huge deal out of this.....

but the point is, someone obviously likes me enough to want to try and have dinner with me! How fn cool is that!!!!


too bad i was at wal-mart shopping for dinner when he called- and i had left the phone at home so now its waaay late. dammit. oh well, i'll see him tomorrow!!
Tuesday, October 4th, 2005
12:49 am


Candy Striper
You scored 81% Do Gooder, 54% Drive, and 42% Intellect!

(That's STRIPER, not Stripper) You are a very helpful person indeed,
always ready to lend a hand, ear, shoulder, or any other body part that
may be required. You are warm and caring, as well as resourceful and
effective. You are actually one of the best categories of human beings
on this test. You're smart, but not too smart for your own good. I
think you could benefit from some self-preservation because you are
such an unselfish giver who is willing to help at a moment's notice.
Not that that's a bad thing, just make some time for yourself now and
then. The world would benefit from more people like you.


All human being categories are: Lazy SOB, Rebel w/out a
Cause, Evil Mastermind, Henchman, Criminal, Dictator, Frat Boy,
Socialite, Philosopher, Stunt Double, Upstanding Citizen, Teacher,
Cheerleader, Sister Mary DoGood, Benefactor, Loyal Sidekick, Candy
Striper, Goody Two-Shoes.



My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 93% on Do Gooder
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 38% on Drive
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 6% on Intellect
Link: The What Type of Human Are You? Test written by weeredIII on Ok Cupid
Friday, September 30th, 2005
5:32 pm
edited photos....
I was trying to make an animated gif, when after i finished I realized gifs are such shitty images b/c they only do like 250 some odd colors. I wanted a new facebook pic. oh well. I've given up on the matt idea. It was totally stupid anyways.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com


Image hosted by Photobucket.com


Image hosted by Photobucket.com


Image hosted by Photobucket.com
9:29 am
note to self....

Note to self: While using your parents' divorce as an excuse to party and drink to excess on a Thursday night may be much fun.... it is also selfish, immature, and you'll totally pay for it in the morning- however, kudos for getting up on time and going to class (no matter how little you think you will learn in them).

Current Mood: responsibly hung-over
Thursday, September 29th, 2005
3:43 pm
in other news....

3 more days 'till my b-day. I'm getting really scared about this whole getting older and closer to thirty thing.
Wednesday, September 28th, 2005
1:28 pm
I love this song....

WANT A FREE SONG?



If you want to hear my current favorite song I'll email it to you today if you leave your email addy in my comment section.

Oh yeah, and for you to receive this song, your email needs to be able to hold at least a 4mb attachment.


Band: Within Temptation
Song: Jane Doe
Album: Silent Force (UK version) / Mother Earth E.P.
Genre: Rock Opera



And if you'd like one of my all time favorite songs, as well, by Within Temptation I'll send that, too- just ask. I'm so serious... I have so much free time today, i'm going to give out free Mp3's!

comment with an addy, and there you'll go!


Lyrics: Jane Doe

Why, you just won't leave my mind
Was this the only way
I couldn't let you stay

Run away, hide away
the secrets in your mind
Sacrificed just her life
for a higher love

No matter how many stones you put inside
She always keeps on floating in your mind
With every turn of your head you see her face again
until the end, over and over again

Why, you just won't leave my mind
Was this the only way
I couldn't let you stay

Told the truth she laughed at you
Something snapped inside
She had to go or they would know
all you tried to hide

The sins of your life are now catching up with you.
You can't stay ahead, there's nothing you can do
With every turn of your head you see her face again
until the end, over and over again

Why, you just won't leave my mind
Was this the only way
I couldn't let you stay

(Repeat 2x)


Current Mood: friggin' awesome, bitches
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